2020 Dream Fodder

 For pretty much everyone alive on planet Earth this year, 2020 has been nothing but bad. Or at the very least, extremely off-putting, inconvenient and just plain ew. My Grandmother, mom's mom, my last living grandparent, died just before the turn of the new year on December 29, 2019. Then the pandemic hit in March. I was pretty sick in March and I really wonder if it was Covid-19. Then we poked into the rotting corner in our living room and opened that can of water damaged worms. We moved the cats out in early August to prepare for demolition and repairs. A couple of weeks later, Hank died on August 18th. My baby. Then I got fired in October. We've been dealing with the nightmare of fixing our house, which brings us to month number five of living in my parents' place. It's ok...we're almost done and will be moving home soon. Anyway, I've been having some pretty vivid and interesting dreams of late! I'm going to go ahead and partially attribute the extreme stress caused by this year's torrent of bullshit to the intensity of these dreams. 

In spite of everything awful about this year, or maybe because of everything awful (things are perhaps tipping back in the opposite direction to restore balance?) I've noticed lately that I'm starting to feel more like myself again. The biggest catalyst for this specific change being getting canned from my job working as an assistant to a realtor. That job put the kibosh on who I naturally am. That woman and that working environment forced me to close off several avenues of my psyche in order to function in that world. I felt dead and dulled, I was bitter and resentful and it started to show. I know I became unpleasant to be around at work, partly on purpose, and I honestly should have left the job before I let myself turn like that. I was there for 7 and a half years. And now that I don't have that repressive environment surrounding me every day, I can focus my attention on things that come to me naturally. A huge part of my life and my creativity has always been my dreaming self. Finally, it's coming back and I blissfully go to bed every night, training my brain and preparing to enter the dream realm. I want my dreams to inspire more writing and visual art. I think it's high time I get those balls rolling again.